not enough time or sleep/constant demands/full schedules

I do not know how to express the turmoil and conflict inside

And yet resolution is as simple as a choice for change, for balance

For 3 years now, balance has not existed in Mason’s life

The competitive dance system is set up that way (at least at his level, with his goals)

Just as it was with practicing law in a large firm

But Mason is still a teenager

Every year, every month and almost every week has been the same grind

Of getting through the intense demands on him

Academics and dance, with social and other interests squeezed into brief windows

His drive is super-human

But his sleep is super-deprived, taking a grave toll on him

Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually

I could detail for you his schedule

But why? To illustrate the absurdity of our choices? 

In a twisted and perverted way, it only feels like complaining and whining

He cares about it all (and yet it feels like punishment)

Convincing himself that he can and must do it all

And when he falls short of super-human, of meeting demands beyond reason

He perceives that he has failed, that somehow he’s done wrong and not been good enough

And he beats himself up for being too exhausted to focus and stay awake for homework

I am his mother, I value balance

And yet, for 3 years I have supported him in creating not enough time or sleep/constant demands/full schedules 

And in effect encouraged him to believe that his unbalanced lifestyle is normal and okay

I even increase his load by adding/allowing more dance events to “further his career”

Most decisions made sense at the time 

Now, though, from his lips come the dreaded words “burn out” and “unsure of path”

Now, I search for strategies for Mason to make it through the next 2 months of school

(when and how did school become second to dance?)

While Mason searches for strategies to make it through each day

We love our studio, we love our studio owners/dance teachers 

Mason is a gifted and passionate dancer with a real chance at success professionally

But these positives do not justify the toll taken on him

“Life is a blur” Mason often states

No time to process the accomplishments, the learning, the experiences

Always the next big dance event or school project to get through

Falling asleep in the car, on the couch, on the chiropractor’s table

20, 30, 40 hours...week in, week out of intense physical activity 

The mental and emotional stress of being “on” at dance and on top of school adding to his sheer physical exhaustion

7 hours sleep the best he can hope for, not even near enough to refuel, reenergize, rest, function (or mature and grow!)...and he rarely gets in 7

Missing his first class or two because he literally can’t get out of bed

So many pills and tonics to support his immune system and depleted adrenals

Health care professionals strongly recommending he cut back on dance

We are quick to respond, “It is not possible”

Is this true?

Recognition that we have sustained the craziness to the end of its cycle

Acknowledgement of his profound growth from this intensity

And that now, less would be more beneficial and healthy

Intent to create greater balance with dance, school, life next year

Trust that the Universe will open the doors and present the opportunities and relationships that best serve him academically and creatively