body thoughts - "Make Love, Not War"

I have been blessed with, and have maintained, generally good health in my 49 years. I assume that my experience is similar to others with good health, in that most of the time, I take my health for granted, except when I have been sick, and then for the first day or two of feeling well, my awareness of feeling well (normal) again is heightened and I am so grateful. For a day or two, OMG Jenice! 

I am going to play a little game. In this game, I am to honestly answer the prompt, “Describe your body.”

Generally, I would say that my body is fit and attractive, especially for my age. But I think my breasts are too small (more of a focus when I was younger), and that I have wider hips and a bigger butt than are proportional to my body frame. Almost daily, I am frustrated by the 10 pounds that I have gained in the last 7 years since menopause, as evidenced by the tummy roll that I now possess (there is actually a name for this post-menopausal change - the “estrogen belly”). I have never had pretty legs (my daughters do, thank goodness!) and have rarely worn shorts or skirts above the knee. No chance for shorts ever as my legs now have unsightly spider veins and red blood moles. My skin is thin and dry and is already beginning to look like crepe paper on my legs, arms and hands. I have always had baggy eyes, but now my face also has wrinkles and the beginnings of jowls. Logically, I know that it is natural to age, but I am illogically fearful about my lack of control over my aging...I want it to be slow and gradual, yet sometimes when I look in the mirror, it seems like I aged overnight, and my chest and abdomen (my heart and solar plexus chakras) fill with panic and fear. 

Again, I assume that I am like most females raised in the American culture. Most of the time, I look at my body...and more importantly feel about my body...critically, negatively, unappreciatively. This was true when my body was young, and is just as true today, if not more so.

Well, there is an “elephant in the room,” that is, in my mind, that I have been excellent at ignoring most of my life, and that elephant is negative and toxic thinking about my body. I know without doubt that “where thought goes, energy flows.” Am I ready to infuse my body with love, rather than toxicity? Am I ready to create vibrancy in my body rather than potentially illness and disease?

When my child is sick or injured, and when I pass an ambulance transporting an ill or injured person, I send love, light, peace and healing to their bodies. When do I send love to my body? Well, if my critical thoughts are the elephant on the scale, my grateful thoughts are a...bird...in comparison! Yet, there are times when I have loved and do love my body wholly, sweetly and gratefully; times of profound presence with, and experience of, my body: 

• each pregnancy and birth of our 3 children.
• when I trained for my black belt and the Triple Bypass bike ride (120 miles in one day over 3 mountain passes), pushing my body to limits it had never reached before and ones that I was unsure it/I could attain, and then my body succeeded. 
• when I find myself completely in the moment of making love with my husband, my mind void of anything and everything other than the love, the pleasure, and the union we are experiencing. In these tender holy moments, I feel more love for my body and more at home in my body than at any other time. 
• witnessing friends and family with breast cancer, and, for a time anyway, appreciating my breasts just as they are. 

It’s clear. Not only does it create greater health and vitality, but it also just feels better to “Make Love, Not War” with my body thoughts. I am a journey in process.