lightening up

I’ve been looking through old writings of mine for hours now, hoping to find a lighter theme to use for my blog today. Recently, I’ve been in a space of observing some of my core fears and I don’t want to scare any reader away by blogging on heavy topics for too long! 

It has been intriguing reading about and remembering my journey over the last decade. In some areas, I see tremendous growth in myself. And in other areas, I was surprised to read about profound “aha” moments I experienced, and now, many years later, I still haven’t learned the lessons, or incorporated and integrated the wisdom into my life. 

It is strikingly clear to me that I am very serious about, and dedicated to, personal growth. Trey has often shared that one of the things he really admires in me is that once I see a fear in myself, I go straight towards it.

The last few days though, I have received a couple of winks from Spirit to gently remind me to lighten up! These winks came through my hubbie and my friend, Jenny.

As you may recall, Trey went out of town last weekend, and for some (frustrating) reason, I felt rejected by him, like I did years ago when he was traveling. Thought I was done with this one! Trey responded that our lessons and healing in life are not always linear. I think he is right, by golly, but I don’t think I had ever conceptualized that idea before. 

Then, while I was still in the insecure space of feeling rejection again, Mason got word that he did not get cast in a “big deal” hip hop show that he really wanted. My son handled the news better than I did, and I mean much better. I texted Jenny to give her the news, and also let her know that on a positive note, Mason was just elected President of his senior class for next year. Instead of feeding my pain, she responded, “Yay on class president! Booo on show! love you.” 

Her simple, almost child-like playful response immediately brought a smile to my face and made me chuckle, pulling me out of the pit of rejection. With “yay” and “boo” she completely captured the appropriate emotions, without creating any drama around the rejection, or taking it more seriously than necessary (as I was doing and tend to do). And “love you” made me feel cared about and supported. Thank you Jenny for the role modeling!

So the former me would have apologized for my numerous recent blogs that are so deep into heavy, sometimes negative, fearful muck. The new me says, hey, that’s where I am at this moment, but who knows where I will be in the next one!

My hubbie likes to tease that I make life interesting, as he never knows which Jenice he is going to wake up beside each morning! I can’t help him with that one.