the unexpected

The last 24 hours have been full of the unexpected. 

Here in Fort Collins, we awoke yesterday to 2-3 inches of snow on the ground. Winter continues its hold on us despite the flowering trees and singing birds. 

On the news, we were shocked to learn that a friend in the Denver dance world has been arrested for the solicitation of sex with a 15 year old. I don’t know his exact age, but I believe he is in his 30‘s. Our friend’s mugshot and name and film clips of him performing and being interviewed were blasted all over the TV. This was unsettling and confusing, to say the least. It made me realize that when I see the mugshots of strangers on the TV, I automatically assume that they are bad people or dangerous people. I judge them without knowing them. In this moment, I am neither defending our friend, or judging him. His arrest simply does not fit with our experience of him. He is fun, playful, energetic and outgoing. He formed a breakin’ crew several years ago with the lofty intent of giving at-risk kids an option to participate in a healthy activity and environment, instead of wasting their lives with crime and drugs.  He even trains these b-boys (i.e., breakdancers) for free! And he is gifted in what he does. His crew made it to the most recent season of MTV’s America’s Best Dance Crew, although they didn’t make it past the first round.

Sexual exploitation is pervasive in our society. Weekly in the newspaper there are reports of teachers, priests, and politicians who have delved into the dark side of sexuality, who have crossed the line of propriety into perversion and exploitation. I know that these arrests are only the tip of the iceberg. I personally know many women whose husbands struggle with the allure of pornography and prostitution. Women dear to my heart have shared the terror of being date raped. My biological father’s sexual addiction wreaked havoc in our lives and my step-brother took his life rather than risk arrest for viewing underage pornography.

Sexual exploitation crosses all socio-economic lines. In my sphere of friends and family as well as globally, it feels like an epidemic. Yet I know that we are sexual beings, and that our sexual beingness is a natural quality of our essence. I strongly believe that our attempts to repress and ignore and deny this essence is part of the cause of our society’s unhealthy and dysfunctional sexuality. Is it possible for us to acknowledge and honor our sexual essence without fear, to openly discuss sexuality with our peers and our children without shame? I believe we can. I believe we should. I believe that we can create a positive shift in our sexual identity and expression, and in our children’s, with open, genuine discussion, as well as with guilt-free, shame-free, fear-free acknowledgement that every human is a sexual being.