what's next?

This last week or two, there has been a steady stream of college kids returning home for the summer. Northwestern is on the quarter system, which starts and ends a month later than semester-oriented schools, meaning Connor won’t be home for a few more weeks. And Mason is gone for 8 days dancing with a contemporary company that is performing 3 shows in NYC next Saturday. (Yes, he is missing the second to the last week of school and returns for finals; yes, we are crazy; yes, it is taking every ounce of restraint that I possess to keep from flying to NYC to watch him!)

The vibe in our house was different when Connor went off to college. It took some time to get used to, and to adjust to.  With Mason away, I am getting a brief preview of what our family dynamic will be like in a little over a year when he leaves home. 

I have spent the last 18+ years as a stay-at-home mother. Taking care of my family has been my job, a job that I have cherished.  Thank goodness Gracie will still have her high school years ahead of her when Mason graduates. But then the parents will outnumber the kids at home, and a short year and half later she will get her driver’s license and before I know it, the day to day demands of my job will be obsolete.

Soon my life will be very different.  Am I ready? I don’t know. I do know it is going to happen anyway. It feels scary to me. But change has always felt scary to me. 

This phase of life, of creating a family and child-rearing, has been sacred. I am so humbled and blessed by the beautiful souls who chose me and Trey to guide and support them through the ups and downs of life. I have learned more and grown more through my role as mother, than I have in any other role or relationship. And though I will always be a mother, my “mothering” phase of life is coming to a close. It is time for me to begin the transition into a new role and a new phase of life.

Ironically, last night, Trey dreamed that I was very pregnant. In reality, I feel like I am about to birth a new phase of my life. Just not sure what it will be yet. I do have the framework for what I would like to create though:

I hope to create a role, a job, a purpose, for myself that is fulfilling and enriching and sacred. I hope to grow and evolve from this new role. I hope to tap into my creative juices and powers and energy and make a positive difference in this world. I hope to have a blast in my second half of life!

I have much left to give to this world. Spirit, please lead me there.