cancer scare

There’s nothing like a cancer scare  

to slap you in the face and remind you of your own mortality...

to bring you to a sudden halt of the mindless routine of normal days 

and take account of your thinking and actions and choices

I’m in that scary “don’t know yet” space 

that started a week and a half ago 

when the doctor called “after hours” expressing a serious concern 

and then made room in his schedule the next day 

to get a biopsy of my uterus 

and still waiting... 

with my emotions swinging between fear and peace... 

for the doctor to call with my test results

My mind wanders and jumps along the continuum of time

to the known of the past

understanding how and why cancer might thrive in my body

to the unknown of the future

having peace...

with my body’s inevitable death

and the life I have lived 

overflowing with love given and received

yet still longing... 

to live this life fully in freedom

and know my grandchildren

and birth more love and light into this world

and make love with my beloved for years more

to the lucidity of now...this moment...the present

reality

truth

ALL that any of us has