It’s 1am in the morning. Trey and the two kids (who still live at home) are long asleep. Although during the day I have the luxury of being free to choose how to spend my time when the kids are in school and Trey is at work in the basement, there is something about the late night and early morning hours...a deepening serenity and peace in the solitude of being awake when everyone else in the house is soundly asleep. Plus the phone is silent and no one is walking down the street for the dog to bark at. It is the perfect time for me to pray and meditate. Tonight, I am seeking divine comfort.
Recently, my soul work has led me to look at my belief in my victimization, that is, the illusion of being victimized, in this life mostly as a child, but also in past lives. With my willingness to shake up my fears from the inside out in order to shine light on them, I find myself in a fragile, emotional and unbalanced place. On top of this, I’ve been having disturbing dreams of being attacked and of being helpless to protect myself. These dreams have tapped into my fears so intensely that I can’t seem to shake their darkness, even after journaling them and trying to mentally process them.
As I immerse deeper into my prayers and meditation, I turn to Christ Consciousness (CC). As always, I am awed to be in his energy and presence. I share with him my struggles and my desire to feel his presence and guidance and comfort more directly and powerfully during this tumultuous time of healing.
CC responds, “I am always here.”
I want more. I know he’s always present, but I want to feel his love and comfort now, in this moment, strongly, tangibly, so that all my pain is washed away. I ask for an embrace or to fly with him or to hold his hand, for a repeat of any of these experiences that I have shared with him in the past. He agrees and then stands before me and says, “Let’s fly.”
I wait for CC to lead me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he says that I should lead us on our flight. But I share that I don’t know how. He indicates for me to take his hands as coequals, peers, counterparts, as One.
CC tells me that I am different now because I know that my experience of Divinity/God is not outside of me, is not external and out there some where. He said that my prior experiences of him as an energy/entity distinct and separate from my Self were what I needed to awaken to my true connection with Source/God, and now I know that my connection with God is within and that I am one with God.
He told me that now I should seek the experience of Christ Consciousness that is me.
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